Poopdale Pooves Pip Pedstrian Preppies

This Week's cryptic rant is by fellow Curmudgeon and Rooster Mark

Refer to the players in the blog by their alter egos: el capitino (Coq Sure), the club champ (Nickname sTOP cock), ex-Team Captain (Cocked & Loaded), and our resident ping-pong (recently returned from Thailand) professional (Cocker Spaniel).  J

As we swung into Parkdale the Three were aghast at the fatness of the residents and, having always been windy when we have played there previously,  we decided to rename the suburb Porkgale. Low and behold we were not to know but one of the opposition turned out to be the cheesy mascot for the ‘burb.

To those who have been initiated to sharing a car ride to a match with Yuri and Mark would feel for Nick’s bout of mood swings resulting from the banter; from merriment to affrontery, to humiliation, embarrassment and finally to a sense of superiority. Bickering and sNickering.

The day began with plenty of conflicting portends of impending doom for the day ahead; the blue sky versus the black band of rain coming towards Melbourne, the freshly hand-picked lemon offered to Cocked & Loaded by Coq Sure and then masterfully left behind at the Porkgale club, to Cocked & Loaded attempting to Nickone of sTOP Cock’s children’s toys whilst picking him up, to Cocker Spaniel leaving the team hanging until 30min before the match as to whether he would grace the courts with them (the AA 0-0 was on standby at the dim-sim shop at Sth Melb markets), etc etc etc

One of the team members, unaccustomed to losing, got his kNickers somewhat in a knot….

Swinging by “Get Lashed” at the corner of Barkely and Grey St St Kilda (9564-3425, open 12pm-2am daily, ask for the degustation option for a real treat), discussion turned from tennis rules & politics to more familiar past times such as asphyxiation and  badly-behaved rock icons.

At the end of the day, we were Plucked.

Now on to matters of more importance, the DNA of the team needs to be changed. In recent weeks  an element of British wimpiness has entered discussions within the Team; talk of we “just” lost, or we lost by a lesser amount against a team than last round. Well you can’t lose a little; there’s only 1 winner at the end of the day, so let’s get our intestinal fortitude back and glorify winning only! This is a call to arms chaps, big hairy unwashed muscular ones with a sea anchor tattooed on one and “Mother” on the other. No pedicures or manicures allowed. For those is disagreement, grab a pipe, a pair of slippers and put your feet up while listening to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJivZCImsIQ

Soft Cocks.

It's straight to Nauru for these two Slavs. Retrospective Immigration justice.

BTW we lost 3 games to 1. Yuri and Nick a 10-6 win and a 7-10 loss and Mark and Brian 10-6 10-6 losses. Brian and Mark's overall winning record together remains a donut.

And so to next week...

NEXT MATCH July 7th

V  GLENHUNTLY GIRLS 
at HOME so come + watch!

Nosti Dennis Brian + Mark

please confirm you are playing by hit up Thursday night

May 5 V PORT MELBOURNE PILLOW BITERS (home)

                                   WASHOUT

May 12 V MCC MAGGOTS (away)

neale nick mark alan            3-1 LOSS Mark&Al 10 zip x2

May 19 V PARKDALE POOVES (home)
deano alan mark brian                         DRAW

May 26 V GLENHUNTLY GIRLS (away)
nick yuri dennis alan       2-2 WIN on games



June 2 V STELLA MARIS HEATHENS (home)
vic mark yuri  nick nosti dean and nil 4-0 WIN



June 16 V PORT MELBOURNE PILLOW BITERS (away)
alan dennis brian nele 4-1 WIN

June 23 V MCC MAGGOTS (home)

nick vic yuri nelly a 4-0 Loss

June 30 V PARKDALE POOVES (away)
mark nick brian yuri 3-1 Loss

July 7 V GLENHUNTLY GIRLS (home)
 dean nosti dennis brian mark 

July 14 V STELLA MARIS HEATHENS (away)
dean alan nealee vic mark


July 21 V PORT MELBOURNE PILLOW BITERS (home)
dean   brian nealee yuri mark

July 28 V MCC MAGGOTS (away)
dean brian alan dennis nosti

Aug 4 V POOPDALE POOVES (home)
dean nick vic dennis nosti 

Aug 11 V GLENHUNTLY GIRLS (away)
yuri dean mark nil
Aug 18 V STELLA MARIS HEATHENS (home)

TBC

Aug 25 SEMI-FINAL
nick dean +TBC

Sept 1 FINAL
 nick dean +TBC

and finally.....

On its most basic level tennis is a simple game: one player hits to the other until the point ends. And in fact, the International Tennis Federation's Official Rules of Tennis lists only 30 rules.

However, as the United States Tennis Association's 324-page Friend at Court—which offers interpretations of the rules in different situations—shows, some pretty strange things can happen in tennis.

Good sportsmanship is a must in tennis.
Wikicommons

Here is my list of situations where either the rules themselves are odd, or lead to interesting interpretations:

Where did the "weird" tennis scoring system of "Love, 15, 30, 40, Game" come from?

Scoring of a standard game is covered in Rule 5a. No one knows with absolute certainty where and how the system originated, but a likely explanation is that in medieval France—where tennis has its roots—a clock was used to keep score.

What happens if a serve hits you, or in doubles your partner, before it touches the ground? Who wins the point?

This is a fairly common occurrence, especially in doubles. According to Case 7 interpreting Rule 24, as long as the serve is not a let, the server wins the point. Every time I read that rule I always imagine an overly-intense and stressed-out player—we all know a few of those—getting upset about something and going head-hunting. In my matches, it's usually good for a few laughs when it happens.

If the ball lands in your opponent's court, but spins or is blown back onto your side of the net, what happens?

This is covered by Rule 25b. So long as your opponent doesn't touch the net, or your side of the court, he or she will score the point if the ball is otherwise returned to your court. This really annoyed me the first time my opponent leaned over and slapped his return directly into my side of the net!

***

The next three are covered by the rules covering hindrances:

Want one? See the captain.

What happens if in the course of play the ball strikes a bird? Is that a hindrance?

Yes. Per Rule 26, Case 3, a bird that is hit by a ball in play is considered a hindrance and the point is replayed. Never happened to me, but poor bird when it does!

What about a ball or other loose object lying on your side of the net that hinders you?

No. (I find it somewhat amusing that the decision in Rule 26, Case 4, is exactly that: "No.")

What happens if you are injured by your opponent and cannot continue the match?

I found this one on page 49 of the USTA'S Friend at Court. If the injury is determined to be unintentional, your opponent wins the match. If deliberate, you win. I see a lot of "gray" in this interpretation, but fortunately it doesn't come up that often.