Round 7: June 25 Parkdale away, A BUNCH OF TOSS’S!
Round 7, June 25, vs
Parkdale away Summary:
We won 2 sets and lost 2, and won 25 games vs 33 by Parkdale, so lost 2-6 on the day. 2nd pair Alan & Mark were 8-0 up against the Parkdale 2nd pair, but only won 10-6 in the end. As is usual with APLTC we had our chances but failed to consolidate! Everyone played very well, with Dean still finding his fabulous form but nearly there & Neal much improved with hardly any double faults. They are certainly beatable with Nick and/or Nosti in the team which is heartening as Parkdale are now the top team. Game scores were: Dean & Neale (1st pair): 3-10, 10-7 won 13 games but gave away 17, Alan & Mark (2nd pair): 10-6, 2-10 won 12 games but gave away 16.
All the Teams are definitely beatable with our strongest
players, except perhaps Mordialloc which will be a fight.
Good luck guys! As it’s a home match both Yuri & the Captain have been asked not to attend to maximise your chances.
Practice is on again this Thursday @ 7pm.
Match Report:
Last Saturday’s match report is written by Neale who insisted that for once it should be funny. Congratulations to Neale for reaching a new high of 98% bullshit + 2% fact; I’ve only managed at best a ratio of 70/30….
The report makes reference to a minor court “incident” so just to explain what happened for those of you who care (and you really need to ask yourself why in the hell you do) and were not in earshot of the “incident”, here is the context & verbal exchange:
A BUNCH OF TOSS’S! written, directed, produced & photographed by Neale (Ed: for those who aren’t aware of Neale’s true heritage and want to sue for libel, character assassination, sexism, racism, or for just being Neale, be aware that publicly he only uses the first half of his real name: he keeps it quiet but he is a member of the dubious Wentin family and for legal purposes his full birth name is Nealey Jolly Well Wentin).
Last Saturday against Parkdale, way way down in bum-fuc#**! nowhere the boys put together another pathetic and dismal performance. Going down to a team of old farts that deserved to be laughed out of town and out of state.
They came prepared. They were ready. They came to play. They came to fight... and fight they did. (they also watched at lot of Wimbledon on TV!!!)
We lost.
Of course we blame Yuri for this, but as he was absent in Noosa we needed a
new scapegoat...Someone new, someone else. A NEW SCAPEGOAT.!!!
And our goat for this weekend goes to our fearless leader and captain Mark. Yes we point the finger at this goat.
He was like the shepherd leading his flock through wild storm and tempest.
We followed him seeking wisdom and guile and forgiveness.
...all of this without question!!!
What we got instead was none of this.
Fit, healthy, extremely athletic, wearing tailored teamed
shirt with sponsors logo, matching French socks, flattering comfort- able shoes
in colours that matched his eyes. European styled Italian shorts that
complemented his striking demeanour. Hair was washed, shampooed and combed to
perfection with only the slightest hint of a natural wave. Very, very gay
indeed. ‘Barby Ken’ like in every respect.
Of course we blame Yuri for this, but as he was absent in Noosa we needed someone else to blame. So it was Mark once again.
He lost both of his toss’s and advised us on what to call for ours. We lost those as well.
Into the match Mark and Alan. Eight love up and then crumbled like a pack of cards. Ten six up after losing six games in a row.
And then... the defining moment. We would have won the day had Mark not tried to catch the ball on the fly from an out ball hit by the opposition. Like a SCUD missile going full force fence high out of bounds at Mach one speed.
Technically their point. An argument and some very creative expletives ensued to the great delight of the vast gathering audience.
Kevin included. Oh boy he was riled!!
He was all red in the face, he jumped up from his ringside seat swinging and yelling.
“Stick it up ‘em you bunch of fagots”
“Flick ‘em with ya jock- strap”
“Punch their **** lites out”
“Don’t take any crap from these Parkdale poofters”
A wonderful commentary I would say, however small children had to block their ears and run inside.
Not only was Mark so upset with the opposition call he actually threatened to do it again just to prove a point.
That’s telling them Mark!. Cop that.
Technically their point once again.
At that point I had to constrain Kevin from jumping the fence and getting involved.
It wasn’t easy. But it shows the passion, The determination, The endeavour, The excitement. “Now that’s what I’m talking about”
Neale.
We’re coming back in the 2nd half of the season with a vengeance!
Mark
We won 2 sets and lost 2, and won 25 games vs 33 by Parkdale, so lost 2-6 on the day. 2nd pair Alan & Mark were 8-0 up against the Parkdale 2nd pair, but only won 10-6 in the end. As is usual with APLTC we had our chances but failed to consolidate! Everyone played very well, with Dean still finding his fabulous form but nearly there & Neal much improved with hardly any double faults. They are certainly beatable with Nick and/or Nosti in the team which is heartening as Parkdale are now the top team. Game scores were: Dean & Neale (1st pair): 3-10, 10-7 won 13 games but gave away 17, Alan & Mark (2nd pair): 10-6, 2-10 won 12 games but gave away 16.
This Saturday:
We’re up against our nemesis MCC and are fielding our
strongest team to shove it up ‘em: Alan, Deano, Nick & Nosti.
Why do we dislike MCC so much ?
- They’re
just a wannabe (not proper) Tennis Club, being a secondary/adjunct sport to
cricket !
- They demolished us in the first round 8-0 after 75% of our players mutinied in protest of the new Captain and we had to scavenge for fill-ins. Of course we’re blaming them for that. (By the way, to those players who deserted, I’m still Captain so na na nee nana!!!)
- We are now at the half-way mark in the season and have played all the teams once. Apart from MCC we’ve won at least 2 sets out of 4 (and scored at least 2 points) against the other teams, so we are struggling on the standings ladder due to not winning the majority of games in matches (the losses against Glenhuntly & Pt Melb really hurt us), as the table shows:
Date
|
Team
|
% of games won
|
Points won
|
May-07
|
MCC
|
20%
|
0
|
May-14
|
Hamton U
|
63%
|
8
|
May-21
|
Hampton
|
52%
|
6
|
May-28
|
Glenhuntly
|
46%
|
2
|
Jun-04
|
Port Melb
|
48%
|
2
|
Jun-18
|
Mordialloc
|
57%
|
6
|
Jun-25
|
Parkdale
|
43%
|
2
|
Good luck guys! As it’s a home match both Yuri & the Captain have been asked not to attend to maximise your chances.
Practice is on again this Thursday @ 7pm.
Match Report:
Last Saturday’s match report is written by Neale who insisted that for once it should be funny. Congratulations to Neale for reaching a new high of 98% bullshit + 2% fact; I’ve only managed at best a ratio of 70/30….
The report makes reference to a minor court “incident” so just to explain what happened for those of you who care (and you really need to ask yourself why in the hell you do) and were not in earshot of the “incident”, here is the context & verbal exchange:
Parkdale player hits a ball way
out, virtually onto the next court. Mark tries to scoop it with his racquet
before it hits the ground too lazy to chase the ball, thinking you’d have to be
a real arsehole to claim the point being only a poxy friendly Saturday Bayside
comp where they don’t even play proper sets. We were 9-6 games up, 30 love with
the Captain serving (safe as bloody houses!)….
Parkdale Player to his partner
but looking at Mark: “We can claim that point. Do you want to claim that
point ?”
Parkdale partner shakes
his head and gives him ‘don’t be an arsehole’ look…
Mark (thinking shall I
shan’t I take him on? The Parkdale player was already riled because he was
losing, had smacked the balls into the fence a couple of times through
frustration, and had given Alan a “death stare” after he’d smashed a volley
near him… yeah, why not, we can afford to lose the point…): “Do you want
to claim that point ?”
Parkdale Player: “No, but
we could claim that point”
Mark: “Well, do you want
to claim the point ?”
Parkdale Player: “No, but
don’t do it again”
Mark (thinking, well
you’re an idiot. Again you’d be in your rights by the rules to claim the point,
but it’s a tough argument after you’ve set a precedent and just allowed us this
one. Let’s prod some more…): “ I’ll do it again if I want to…”
Parkdale Player: “Well,
we’ll then claim the point”
Mark: “Well then do you
want to claim this point?”
Parkdale Player shakes his head.
Mark serves and the Parkdale Player smacks the 2nd serve as hard as
he can into the net at 40 love up, 9-6 games and the set is ours. Job done,
tick. Congratulations, you’ve just been Albert-Parked…..
A BUNCH OF TOSS’S! written, directed, produced & photographed by Neale (Ed: for those who aren’t aware of Neale’s true heritage and want to sue for libel, character assassination, sexism, racism, or for just being Neale, be aware that publicly he only uses the first half of his real name: he keeps it quiet but he is a member of the dubious Wentin family and for legal purposes his full birth name is Nealey Jolly Well Wentin).
Last Saturday against Parkdale, way way down in bum-fuc#**! nowhere the boys put together another pathetic and dismal performance. Going down to a team of old farts that deserved to be laughed out of town and out of state.
But instead this highly respected opposition from Royal
Parkdale, displayed such grace and poise including many hidden talents similar
to the TV stars currently playing at Wimbledon. They deserved more respect than
we were prepared to offer.
Oh Yes... they did their research.They came prepared. They were ready. They came to play. They came to fight... and fight they did. (they also watched at lot of Wimbledon on TV!!!)
Of course we blame Yuri for this, but as he was absent in Noosa we needed a
new scapegoat...Someone new, someone else. A NEW SCAPEGOAT.!!!
And our goat for this weekend goes to our fearless leader and captain Mark. Yes we point the finger at this goat.
He was our master.
He was our inspiration. He was our leader.He was like the shepherd leading his flock through wild storm and tempest.
We followed him seeking wisdom and guile and forgiveness.
...all of this without question!!!
What we got instead was none of this.
Oh yes he looked great in the warm up. Forehand no
problem, backhand even better, volley excellent, ground strokes textbook,
overhead smash perfect, Serving ..(still shithouse)
It’s only my observation but the poofs would have gone
for him in the blink of an eye. In fact the way I have just described him I
wouldn’t mind having a go at him myself... but unfortunately I’m not a ‘Pillow
biter.’.
Four toss’s of the coin. and four loss’s of the
coin!!!Of course we blame Yuri for this, but as he was absent in Noosa we needed someone else to blame. So it was Mark once again.
He lost both of his toss’s and advised us on what to call for ours. We lost those as well.
Into the match Mark and Alan. Eight love up and then crumbled like a pack of cards. Ten six up after losing six games in a row.
And then... the defining moment. We would have won the day had Mark not tried to catch the ball on the fly from an out ball hit by the opposition. Like a SCUD missile going full force fence high out of bounds at Mach one speed.
Technically their point. An argument and some very creative expletives ensued to the great delight of the vast gathering audience.
Kevin included. Oh boy he was riled!!
He was all red in the face, he jumped up from his ringside seat swinging and yelling.
“Stick it up ‘em you bunch of fagots”
“Flick ‘em with ya jock- strap”
“Punch their **** lites out”
“Don’t take any crap from these Parkdale poofters”
I learnt a lot that day from listening to Kevin.
He’s a very creative man when he gets going.A wonderful commentary I would say, however small children had to block their ears and run inside.
Not only was Mark so upset with the opposition call he actually threatened to do it again just to prove a point.
That’s telling them Mark!. Cop that.
Technically their point once again.
At that point I had to constrain Kevin from jumping the fence and getting involved.
It wasn’t easy. But it shows the passion, The determination, The endeavour, The excitement. “Now that’s what I’m talking about”
So let’s take a bit of that stuff out there on the court
for next Saturday and we will “pull the opposition pants down”!!!!.
I never knew they were like that. Neale.
The Big Tissue:
Afternoon Tea was one of the best so far (apart from the
ones put on by us, of course) with a variety of cakes and drinks (including
beer) and Subway rolls (look out, such extravagance….). Conversation was
interesting for a change and flowing quite well until Neale had to mention the
“incident” directly at the slightly embarrassed Parkdale Player involved, after
which there was an awkward pregnant pause and the good-natured banter never quite
returned to the same level and even deteriorated to talking about people when
they left the table. Alan’s verdict: 2 thumbs up and a lick of the chops for
the hosts, 2 thumbs down and a slap across the chops for the guests!
As usual, all complaints please send to what_about_me@yuri.com.au, and any
positive comments to spam_blocked_virus_quarantine@yuri.com.au
and just ignore the mailbox full message.
Don’t forget to check out the blog: albertkpark.blogspot.com.We’re coming back in the 2nd half of the season with a vengeance!
Mark
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