Round 4, May 28, Glenhuntly home: Kousin Krakus Kermit Kazakystan Klompers....

Summary: (Again, just read this if you don’t want to read the tripe below). A loss 2-6 last Saturday, winning 2 sets but losing games 27-32. Subject to protest by the opposing team (see below) so we may lose our 2 points. This week it’s a home game against local rivals Pt Melb; their form is unclear so will be an interesting battle. Team is: Alan (again), Victor (again), Mark, Neale (again).

Saturday  May 28 Home match against Glenhuntly
#1 pair was Victor and Neale, #2 Alan and Yuri. Again, controversial.
The Team Captain got the blame for the loss as he should have played but was hungover from the night before. However, all the Team complained about ”heavy balls”, something they’ll have to individually sort out I’m afraid. So it seems no one paid attention to ball quality this week, so next Thursday’s practice June 9 at 7pm Neale is going to make an instructional video on the art and skill of defluffing; it will be compulsory watching for all team members.

The Captain didn’t see the match and only visited for afternoon tea, so the antics of the game are not at all clear. However, here are some comments from the boys themselves:

Victor on his & Neale’s effort (if I can use that word ?)”
Neale as always looked the goods in the warm up but maybe should have had a few more practice serves (as his partner needed to as well).   Labelled as the “Number one pair” they stumbled out of the blocks, double faulting their way to a dismal 2-10 defeat.  Mitch – a young bean pole from the opposition hit the ball cleanly and Neale complimented him on every good shot.  “Yeah great shot, good serve, gee you hit that well….”   No cougars or MILFs this week – just David de Campo shaking his head and laughing at our errors.  We weren’t sure who he was barracking for! 
Fortunately when David left, the 2 miserables picked up their games against the 2^nd pair and Neale was back to his Tuesday night best with scintillating overheads and solid serving.  Vic however needs a bit more work on those volleys and overheads ( did I say a bit more?..... hmm )

Neale with excuses, blame, and some observations:
Vic read me the riot act before we went out to battle.
One: It's not Tuesday Night.
Two: NO ...play two or have a couple...or its only practice
Three: If a ball is out... leave it
Four: Get your serve in!!!!
and ....Five: Make me look good.!!!
Distractions:
    The Gay Yuppie Kermit Green Ukranian ebay slippers that Yuri was wearing on court two.
    Very poofy!!!
Positives:
    I played better than last week.
   Vic was a very good partner ... much better than the rubbish I had the week before.
   Cannot even remember his name.
Negatives.... No MILF's this week to perve on. No cougars...Nothing!!!!!!

Controversy

                                                                                      Kousin Krakus Kermit Kazakystan Klompers:

To what Neale was referring above, and Glenhuntly are protesting as “not fit for purpose” tennis attire (as well as the smell and the squelching which were major distractions for everyone) are Yuri’s glow-in-the-dark shoes. These came from his cousin Krakus who lives in Kazakystan and are the height of fashion over there. Apparently, the night before the match the dog threw up on them after eating asparagus spears (dipped in the finest Black Russian Caviar of course, not that cheap Iranian crap) and Yuri didn’t bother cleaning them. The asparagus was from another cousin in Chernobyl. 

Peanut Gallery

Thanks again to Kevin (who left EARLY muttering and shaking his head) and David (who left EARLY laughing), and Annabel (& Lara & Arabella) for coming down to support the TEAM.

 The Big Tissue:

This was going to have to be good as the pressure was on Alan as Skip to deliver and he dis monstrously. We had Yuri working SLAVishly away in kitchen preparing a feast, the POLISHed Vic attending as waiter, Neale arranging the table with artistic flair, and our man-about-town Alan making sure conversation was punchy, inclusive and interesting. So good the opposition wanted to stay and enquired about membership. No left overs (especially after Mark arrived with his 2 ravenous kids….), and Alan gave the spread a smack of the lips, both thumbs up, and a rare lick of the chops. A definite top entry in his upcoming Melbourne’s Top Sport Club Afternoon Tea guide.

News

Due to his win rate and his status as “most improved player in 2011” (despite it being from a low base), Yuri has demanded a motorhome be available to him for all matches, with a silver star of the door. Such is the political pull of the Slav that the Club Committee has agreed to the motorhome (subs are increasing $35 next year) but can’t agree on the star. So, Yuri is out for the future matches until it arrives.

Breaking(literally)  news
The Team’s Chief Drug Tester, Dennis, is broken. Well, bits of him. Apart from the ouchy ouchy shoulder he now has a dicky knee; more scans this weekend so we hope it isn’t too serious, but he may be out for the rest of the season. As  far as the Team is concerned: PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN, WE NEED YOU TO PLAY BOTH THE JUL 16 & 23 GAMES, OTHERWISE YOU WONT QUALIFY TO PLAY THE FINALS.

Standing:

Below are the current standings so far; a bit unclear as all teams haven’t played each other yet. However, we have yet to play the top 2 sides (we play them in succession after this Saturday, so we need the big hitters to be available!), so the match this weekend against Pt Melb we HAVE TO WIN!!!! Also this weekend Parkdale play Mordi, so we’ll get an idea on who is better.

Mordialloc	27.0
Parkdale	27.0
Port Melbourne	20.0
MCC	17.0
Albert Park	16.0
Hampton	12.0
Glenhuntly	8.0
Hampton U/C	1.0